


Blue Skies

by LinaLuthor



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Edelgard, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Injury Recovery, Minor Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Pain, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25577065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaLuthor/pseuds/LinaLuthor
Summary: It has been a month since Edelgard left the dungeons where she and her siblings went through the experiments which resulted in their demise. Although she is alive, she suffers with pain from her wounds and memories, which makes living difficult.One morning, when she hears how long she's been back to the surface, she decides there's more she can do about her present.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	Blue Skies

Pain. Every time she moved, took a breath that had been too deep or pretty much dared to speak, her body screamed with it. So much that more often than not she would rather not wake up, not face the day ahead and do the many things her uncle started demanding of her. Attend classes again, he said, and she would be punished if she dared falling asleep, crying due to a mixture of exhaustion and stress or anything else in between. Have breakfast at the dining table like a proper princess, he would chastise her, and sigh in contempt if she failed to do so.

Edelgard whimpered under the soft comforters, unnecessary since temperatures had been rising, but something she begged to not be taken away from her since it felt like her body was still in a constantly cold. She would rather sweat than tremble as much as she had for the last few… _m_ o _nths? Weeks? Years?_ She couldn’t tell. Hadn’t been able to, down in the dungeons she had been released from… how long ago had it been?

It was all so sudden, her return into the shadows of the now empty Enbarr Palace after so long spent in total darkness below it. She had been half dragged, half carried up too many circular staircases by the same strange mages that had taken her and her siblings down, her body fighting to stay alive, to keep her as warm as it could even if she was no longer able to shiver, her muscles too weak to do even that. But then, shivering had also hurt, made the myriad of shallow and deep gashes ache as if she had just rolled in glass shards, all flaring into life and excruciating pain at once.

One would think she’d get used to it, since pain, cold and discomfort was everything she had known for a long time, but it had never gotten better. Rather, sometimes she would be raked with strange aches coming from nowhere in particular, her arms and legs flaring up in response to nothing – or to no wound she could remember, anyways. It had been like that in the dungeons and continued to happen once she was back to her room, to the so-called comforts of her life as a princess.

Hence in that particular morning she moaned at the smallest touch of the mattress underneath her and the comforters than she clutched for safety and warmth above her. Moving around made everything worse and it wasn’t as if she’d slept at all either – too many visions, sounds and smells from that wretched place always came to haunt her at night. If not in nightmares, just for the mere fact that it was dark and she was lying down somewhere. Although she was no longer shackled, it was too easy to feel the imprint of metal against her skin, cutting, restricting, marring her. Even easier still to smell decay, blood old and new and many things she would rather not think about.

The worst was when the darkness brought her images of her siblings, the ones who had played with her, told her tales and lulled her to sleep. Helped her with lessons, combed her hair, mused over the future and what they would do, where they would be in three, five, ten, fifteen years from then. Every idea accompanied by a giggle. It had seemed so far away. So… distant, so impossible, in a way, even though they had known they would grow up sooner or later.

Not anymore, though. Not for them anyways. Eternally children, or teenagers at the most. She would be the only one to go on.

“Lady Edelgard, your presence is required in the Dining Hall.”

Hubert’s contrite, clipped voice scared her, made her flinch. Her mind had been far afield, wrapped in recollections and sensations of the recent past. A recent past that had robbed all of them of their future, in one way or the other. After all, it wasn’t as if Edelgard herself would be able to follow her silly little girl’s dream of spending most of her days in a villa, dealing with some document or another if her Emperor-to-be sister needed her assistance.

No. She was to be Emperor now, like it or not. The prospect stifled more than uplifted her, all things considered. Even more so that she didn’t have a choice.

“I cannot move, Hubert. Tell my uncle to send for a healer.” She whispered. Even her throat hurt – she had probably screamed or cried more than she remembered throughout the night. Lord Arundel would have a great start to his day calling her off for showing up in such a sorry state, if that was the case.

“He does not seem to be in a mood to deal with that, I am afraid.” The boy tentatively said, approaching the bed with small and slow steps. He had gotten his fair share of her screaming or being frightened by him moving too fast and suddenly, had practiced acting in a way that wouldn’t result in her getting more distressed.

Although the curtains were still closed and the room was dim, he could see clear marks of fatigue in her face. Yes, he decided, it was clearly not a good day for her at all. Her symptoms did sometimes ease, then flare up all of a sudden and, although he had heard the explanation about it being… expected due to the procedures she had undergone, it annoyed him still to see her like that.

She sighed, nodding her head slightly and wincing due to the pain it caused. Had this happened before the damned experiments she had been through, she would more than likely have protested until someone gave up and left her alone. Yet, after all that had indeed occurred, after having her wishes completely ignored and scorned at, or her being severely punished by disobeying or ignoring orders and/ or having to watch one of her siblings suffer because she had misbehaved, she knew better than to go against some people.

And her uncle was definitely top of that list.

Thus she gritted her teeth and fought against the pain. Against herself, against every sign her body was giving her that it wanted rest, not only physically but mentally too. To be able to wind back time and reverse what had happened, or to grant her eternal respite when she had had the chance. Her hands curled into tiny fists, nails biting at her skin as every badly healed, scarring wound in her body screamed, flooding her system with searing ache. As she took the three duvets away from her, arms burning at the effort of lifting something so “heavy”, her shoulders tensed at the psychological loss of warmth, even if the day was hot and she had been sweltering underneath those covers.

Try as she might, there was no way to silence a whimper once her feet finally hit the ground, knees buckling and sending her forward. She would have fallen if Hubert, anticipating that, hadn’t woven his hands underneath her ribs, easily keeping her in place. Her legs hadn’t been strong enough to sustain her for the longest time, still couldn’t take her far without her losing to fatigue. Something Arundel had been trying to fix, as well.

The vassal had already put away her clothes, so she got dressed as fast as she could after asking him to turn away – regardless if he had helped her before, this was something new. She had no energy to tend to her own hair, however, or perhaps the sight of that unnatural, new silver just irked her so. For that she succumbed into the chair and let him silently comb it, lips pressed together in a thin line as he tucked it in a side ponytail, as she had started considering herself too old for the pigtails she had worn before. Maybe not even a year had passed down at the dungeons, but she had emerged from it older, in some way.

Her survival had meant something, she was sure. And although most days she woke up wishing she hadn’t, that she could get away from all that pain, the death, the blood that had and hadn’t been her own and the memories that accompanied her, there was still a part of her that fought on. That wanted to fight on. It was that portion of her that guided her actions throughout most of her days.

To say breakfast with her dearest uncle Arundel had been the mess it always was would be an understatement. He took one look at her and shook his head, sneering at her red-rimmed eyes and the slowness with which she was moving. He said she really looked the part as the only survival of a nasty sickness which had taken most of the Imperial children’s lives.

She bowed her head and vowed to do better, a mechanical, listless response. On the other side of the table, as far away from her as humanly possible without him being banished to the ground, was her father, Emperor Ionius IX himself, or a shadow of the man who had once ruled over the Empire and had eleven happy kids laughing, jumping and running around him. Now he ruled over nothing, not even his own family. Only one kid remained from the eleven, and she was too hurt to even stand without wincing in pain.

His mouth had to remain shut, just as hers did, and their hands were stuck in shackles which were unseen, but very easily felt. None knew for how long that would last, either. Their moments of brief eye contact, the one thing allowed in between them from the ever-attentive Arundel and his minions, spoke words of solace and strength. Perhaps without that sight every morning and every night during meals, Edelgard would have given up altogether.

She ate slowly, both due to how her limbs were begging her for rest and how her uncle tended to sigh in annoyance and leave if she did so. Which was exactly the case after half an hour of it, dragging her father away so that she was left alone with Hubert. Though he made sure to yell at her to get to class in the afternoon, as her fencing instructor was going away in the end of the month due to her inability to stay up in lessons.

The end of the month… she thought, ignoring the threat in those words or how he had meant to demean her. She had heard worse, in the dungeons.

“Hubert, how long have I been back?” She inquired, trying to make herself eat some more. She had spent so long on crumbs or no food at all, it was hard for her stomach to keep things down these days. But she had to, in order to get some strength back.

“Today marks exactly one month, Lady Edelgard.” He replied in a smooth, small voice. Unsure of her desire to know that, yet wishing he had considered the implications behind the question when she winced at the answer.

One month. One month and all she had done was remain in bed (and then want to remain in bed some more), attend lessons like she was told to and keep inside the castle, as she had been ordered to. Always a little lamb, watching the sun go around the sky and changing the light around the rooms she was in. Watching days go by, too weak to do anything for herself when they were over.

When had she last read something? Or… run around the palace, hiding in empty rooms to play catch? Climbed a tree, got all the oranges she could and peeled them, enjoying their sweetness when she should actually be heading to another lesson?

Now there she was… meek, powerless, useless. Just a sick girl lying on bed or thinking about doing the same, whining around in pain or due to memories. Barely alive, even if her body was there. Enshrouded in memories, away from the real world, the real her, the real… present, that was still going.

And if she had learned something more important than controlling herself in that damn dungeon, it was that every day mattered. Every moment did, since the future was never guaranteed. One moment she and her siblings had been playing and laughing, the other they had been in the dark, afraid, trying to huddle together but with shackles on their wrists.

She had been letting the shackles keep her still, stale, even if she had actually been physically freed. That had to change, and now.

“Why do you –“ Her vassal began, wondering what had caused her to fall silent and look forlorn at that.

“Help me.” She said in a commanding voice he hadn’t heard in a while, offering him a quivering, unstable hand. Her lilac eyes spoke another language, though, had become something fiery and alive the moment they locked gazes.

He acquiesced, took hold of her hand and placed his other palm on her back, taking as much of her weight as she would let him. For the first time she wasn’t actually leaning on him, completely depending on the boy or whoever was called to aid her to take a step. She placed her feet with as much strength and determination as she could muster, even if her face paled at the sudden exertion and her limbs shook all the time.

Nevertheless, she made her own path, edging away from her chambers and cutting through the dining room instead, towards the entrance hall, then sideways to the Palace garden.

“Lady Edelgard?” He queried as she went on, even though she was staring to pant and whimper from the pain which spread through her body. She would not lose to that, no matter the cost.

“Outside.” She whispered. “I need to go outside.”

There was no arguing when she used that tone, even if the force that usually stood behind it was diluted by all she was feeling in that moment. The one thing he could do was support her, keep her stable and offer words of encouragement when she faltered, looked behind her in fear or threatened to stop. He also removed things she could trip over and straightened rugs, opened doors and finally…

“Beware on those steps, please.”

His voice wasn’t heard, though. Edelgard was far busier looking at the sky, her head tilted up as far as her body would allow her to, even though her aches were temporarily forgotten at the view stretching above her.

Had it always been that blue, she mused as she felt her chest contract, as different sensations than the ones she had been experiencing for the last few days took over her. There was no fear, no hurt, no guilt in that moment. Only… awe. Awe for something which was bigger than her and so, so starkly beautiful.

She wondered if she had ever noticed the sky before. If she had looked at it with the same eyes that she was in that moment. Eyes that had known there was a chance she would never see the sun again, never feel it against her skin or marvel at a clear summer day as this one. Maybe she had forgotten all about it, being locked underground, then locked again in her own room. Locked in her pain, her recollections and thoughts about what had happened. Something she couldn’t truly understand yet, but that had changed the way she saw the world. Perhaps for a while, but more than likely forever.

“It is… beautiful.” She couldn’t help but mutter, not at all gazing at the flowers in bloom or the green, green grass shining underneath bushes, trees and flowerbeds. No, at the moment her praises were to the sky alone, its deep blue color and all that it inspired.

“Would you like to get to the garden and see the newest acquisitions?” The vassal proposed, was taken aback when she turned to him with the ghost of a smile upon her lips. The first, after everything that had happened, everything he had been unable to prevent, to protect her from.

“I would love to. I shall need to take a seat soon, however.” She answered, excitement and the sheer adrenaline of being outside still not overriding her fatigue, at least not completely.

“Most certainly. Again, please do be careful.” He instructed and guided her slowly down the stone steps that led to the Enbarr gardens, one of the most praised in all of Fódlan, one that had seen Edelgard give her first steps and hide from teachers way too often as she grew older.

There were some shadows in between the door and the garden itself, so they weren’t touched by the sun the moment they were away from the building. It took them a few tentative, smaller steps for their skins to be warmed by it, marked by a sharp intake of breath and Edelgard stopping, standing still and reveling in that sensation.

In a matter of seconds she was warm in a way that no amount of comforters back in bed had managed to accomplish. Not even when Hubert used a fire spell to stop her shivering, had she felt like that. It made a small beam tug at her lips again, almost the way she used to smile before all of that had occurred. Even though she was wobbling more and more often as they progressed through the grass, passing in front of several trees, small bushes delimitating flowerbeds in all hues of crimson and yellow, she kept on going, as if given new energy. A new resolve.

He took her to a rather secluded place, where they wouldn’t be spotted so easily. It was close to the walls in the back where two massive orange trees stood, their barks wide enough to give them a hiding place as they gingerly sat down, the princess almost collapsing on the floor due to exhaustion.

She was quick to lie down and let her eyes roam over the vast blue sky again, savoring how the sun touched her even if only her face wasn’t covered by a garment or two. Her lilac eyes shone with a mixture of tears and wonder, as rivulets of emotion rose and fell through her, waves to a sea she couldn’t quite control. She was free. She was the only one to be free. She was alive, the only one to remain so.

The only one to have a shot at a future. To make sure the world could get a better future, too.

As Edelgard watched some clouds forming, their lazy floating, etching the blue sky with fragmented whites, she understood this was worth living. That world was worth experiencing, without the pain and the knowledge that now clouded her life. That there was so much beauty, so much people mostly took for granted, that needed to be preserved from those who wanted to control it, to claim it for themselves and their schemes. That nothing was forever, not even life itself, thus one should try their hardest to make it worth it.

Her tired eyes closed as she vowed to honor her siblings’ past presence in her life, instead of mourning their absence. She would make sure no one else had to go through what they did. That no one, absolutely no one, would take away the skies, the sun, the stars and moon she had yet to see, the sheer essence of that world itself from anyone else.

Even if that meant she would have to fight alone, as few would believe or understand her cause, she would certainly fight it. If that meant destroying the damned Church of Seiros, who put crested individuals on a pedestal and were prone to announcing that some were beneath others, the few blessed by the Goddess, and the strange mages that had brought nothing but misfortune to her family, she wouldn’t back away.

Those thoughts lulled her fatigued body to sleep, a first after so many nights and days spent awake due to pain and misery. The last thing she saw before slipping into dreams was the vast blue sky above her.

The first thing she spotted when a dream took form and she found herself in a good replica of the Enbarr gardens was a shock of fluffy indigo hair framing cornflower blue eyes, the face of a girl barely older than her, smiling softly and offering her a hand. She found herself no longer fatigued, no longer tired and worn down, but full of life and burning with purpose, rivalling the warmth of the sun itself. Calm, yet sure of herself, of what she should do.

Edelgard beamed back at the taller girl and shyly took her hand, then giggled wildly as they darted towards the horizon, with nothing to hold them down, no doubt to make them look back or fear to halt their pace. The sky, albeit dark instead of stark blue, was already giving away to a tentative light while the two girls ran, always together, towards a new dawn.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is just a little something that I've been wondering about. Edelgard was definitely hurt during the experiments and there must have been some pain after she was returned to the palace (unless those guys actually healed her later but eh). She talks about having to be outdoors or feeling a bit stiffled, so I imagined what it must have been like for El to see the sky for the first time while being outside, after everything that happened.  
> Thank you for reading and as always I blame the angst on our Fodlan Olympics discord, which is a place of utter chaos that has become very dear to me. Check @Fodlan_Olympics for a peek at what we've been working at!


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